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Not so F.U.N.
meaning not so much of a “fuckin’ unbelievable nightmare”
by your Taco Prince
Yeah, basically this is the Magic-related “rubbish”. This cutie’ll cover my adventure on the day of the qualifier. Before, I gave you brief insight on the pre-trip arrangements, and how horribly gay it was. Well, skip all that child’s play, and I’ll move right to the tournament. But, before the games, I’ll go straight to the decklist, and my reasons (yes, I do have reasons for Blurred Mongoose) for the cards therein….or something.
Tah-dah, here it is, a Blue-Green control deck based solely on handling decks like Tinker, or anything with plenty o’ artifacts (seriously), aptly titled
David Duchovny’s Dimples:
I guess I’ll start with the counters
4 Counterspell (duh, sorry, its just too good)
4 Mana Leak (very swell)
4 Force Spike (yeah, in this environment, it’s kinda good, and I still really can’t figure out how that ‘Tog deck ran fine without them, but anyways)
2 Rewind (yeah, I know, but with all of my instants, including cycling Krosan Tusker, these are quite good, considering this also allows me to counter more shit midgame)
1 Forbid (kinda random, but I thought more hard counters would be swell, and I always have shit to throw away most of the time)
That’s just the counters, 15 of them. And I used “swell” twice. Sorry. Hmm. Next are the “other” spells:
1 Capsize (Eric told me I liked this card, ha, what was he Capsizing? I mean thinking.) - I guess that isn’t really good “reasoning” for having that card, but it has saved my white ass many a game, multiple times, and I blabbered on for a whole fuckin’ paragraph about 1 card that is fairly self-explanatory
2 Treachery (classic, unexpected card that wins games, nice Platinum Angel ya got there)
3 Naturalize (this is soooo good, however, playing against decks that this is a dead card was rather unexpected)
2 Cunning Wish (wasn’t that great, but in my defense, my sideboard fucking sucked)
3 Fact or Fiction (the cards too good, but since I’m playing with it, it became ‘ok‘)
4 Brainstorm (I have so much shit to shuffle away with the Fetch-lands, so these were trophy cards, wow, I think that’s the first time I’ve said something very positive about it, yeah its good, but it adds so little to the game cause everybody plays ‘em, therefore, Brainstorm “wars” are too many, its just not swell, ok?)
3 Powder Keg (hey, I gave them a shot, and they were good, but not great, it was my only real board removal, so there)
Well, on to creatures, I think. Whole 4 of them:
1 Morphling (what do I need to say, other than that every game with it out, I believe I won?)
2 Krosan Tusker (pretty good card, its cycling is ok…but I play it mainly for it’s quick beats….yeah)
And the card that brought the most debate/drama/laughing:
1 Blurred Mongoose (its good, ok? Against ‘Tog especially, not bad against red either, this won a few games on its own, on its own meaning I countered everything else after he hit play)
And for the land, its nothing special:
4 Yavimaya Coast (no explanation, unless you’re retarded, so I guess I’ll bank on the fact you are and tell you that this produces both colors of the mana I need, now get back in the sack before I splash water on you….NOW!!!)
2 Forest (-insert anything positive Andrew can say about green here-)
2 Dust Bowl (excellent call on my behalf, tee-hee, I nuked their side quite a bit during the day)
3 Flooded Strand (good)
1 Windswept Heath (good a swell, oops, I said swell again, I meant “as well”)
2 Faerie Conclave (ya gotta give it to the Faeries, gays are people too…..barely)
And something like
9 Island
Making 23 land, 15 counters, 4 creatures, and a bunch of other stuff.
9 Island
2 Forest
2 Dust Bowl
2 Faerie Conclave
1 Windswept Heath
3 Flooded Strand
4 Yavimaya Coast
23 lands
4 Counterspell
4 Mana Leak
4 Force Spike
2 Rewind
1 Forbid
15 countering spells
2 Treachery
1 Capsize
4 Brainstorm
3 Naturalize
3 Powder Keg
3 Fact or Fiction
2 Cunning Wish
18 other spells
1 Morphling
2 Krosan Tusker
1 Blurred Mongoose
4 creatures
If I missed anything, that’s fine, I’m too lazy to go back and check. As for the sideboard, I just assume you’d rather not know. There was a Fact of Fiction, Naturalize, and the 1 Teferi’s Response, which are the only instants that were worthy of Cunning Wish. I had 2 Chill that were actually very good, despite only having 2. The rest sucked…trust me.
Well, I guess I could move on to the tournament, but I’m far too unpredictable and random for that. Basically, I hadn’t slept, AND I drove the 4 hours there. AND Talbert pissed Adam off, so he took off after Talby, Elfdrew, and me took a wee-wee. So that was gay, and it meant I had to drive there pretty much with Talbert’s directions and the sun glaring very angrily in my eyes. So, yeah, of course, we got lost like 4 times, and it was 5-10 minutes off schedule each time. I congratulated Talbert on making things so fucking hard on me the last 24 hours, and after this exit, to the next, no wait, the next exit, no, well, you get the idea (probably not), but anyways, we made it there.
We meet with the other comrades and I finish up sleeving my deck at a back table (I told you I’m never prepared). A few deck scouters walk amidst us, and since being the somewhat wiseass I can sometimes be, I held up Rudy’s decklist for one guy and I told him I’d be playing Psychatog just in case he wanted to know. He walked off, slightly embarrassed/angry. Ah, being funny. Takes a lot outta ya. Especially with no sleep and after pushing a car until your legs tense up with pain and you still manage to drive for 4 hours. Hmm, what now? I guess I could start now, but. Hmm. I feel like I’m missing something. Oh yeah, I look at all the guys there. What a big group of queers! That guy’s nickname is Ogre (and much resembles one), that guy is wearing a top-hat, and he looks very feminine to boot, that guys fuckin’ ugly, that one’s PRETTY, that one’s smiling for no reason, that one’s fat as hell, and, OMG, he’s approaching me. Thanks for making the rest of us normal Magic players look so damn good guys.
Random conversation:
“Yeah, so I hear you didn’t think our trade was so good.” -the fat “dealer” referring to what I told Talbert about a trade that wasn’t good
“Yeah, well, don’t bring that shit on me, cause I could give a shit about Type 2 or Type 1” -me
“Well, I’d just like to say that Infest is a $3 cash-card” -him
“Ya know, like I said, I don’t give a shit” -me
“Ok, that’s alright. Can I look through your stuff?”
It’s so funny, too, because I actually didn’t have my stuff in my binder, and I didn’t really wanna deal with this smelly bastard. But, anyways, being my notorious self, I had to sell him some shit (ex: Lion’s Eye Diamond for 4 bucks!!!). I made some money so I could play (yeah, I didn’t even have enough then)
Time was a tickin’ away, and I hadn’t registered or payed yet, and with about 20 minutes left, I decided to sign up. I’ve been out of school (and job) for a while, so my sentences may be a little, you know, not good. Anyways, I am gonna do the whole goal of this article now. Here goes:
My first round opponent is the guy I had made fun of immediately beforehand because he stunk up the bathroom. I forgot his name. Like you care anyways. Lets call him Aloysius.
Round 1. Aloysius
I can see by my notes that I put a frowny face on them. That’s my signal for a low land hand. I get to go first, so I lead with a Faerie Conclave, which is dangerous, but was my only real option. He leads with Jackal Pup. Hmm. Not good, especially considering red should eat me alive. I get going like I should, taking hit after hit from the Pup. After countering everything, he resolves Tangle Wire a little too early. I’ve got a Naturalize, but he plays another next turn. I can’t get counters or card draw now, so I have to let it resolve. I draw land and Treachery, however, and end up taking his Pup, which, uh, isn’t good. I develop by far too late and far too little a life, so I die to eensy weensy bits of burn here and there. It happens.
I side in the 2 Chill and Teferi’s Response, because he’s running Pillage. Yadda yadda, who cares? It isn’t important.
Game 2 goes lots better. I counter what I need to and Treachery a growing Slith Firewalker, which gets killed soon enough, however, the red player has problems against 2 Blurred Mongoose and a fresh Morphling. He dies. Not a great game for him. You probably couldn’t tell too easily, but he’s playing a variant of Red-Deck-Wins, I guess, with Damping Matrix and Tangle Wire, and a few Shrapnel Blasts. A highlight of this game is when he sided in Cursed Scrolls, and then proceded to lay 3 by the second turn, along with a Pup the third turn. My Powder Keg says hello for 1. He felt gay. He was a nice guy, so I can’t talk too much crap.
Game 3 we enter with about 5 minutes. I get a fantastic counter-heavy draw (awesome!!!) and he had to mulligan anyways. He couldn’t possibly get around 6 counters in that game. He led with a Wasteland anyways, and that’s gay for him. In the end I should have kicked his ass, but my deck is far too slow.
That was semi-gay. Drawing is gay. You don’t even know how gay. You might, but not really. Ok, maybe YOU do, but you right there do not.
The whole team, on average, is on the plus side. 3 wins, 2 losses, and my draw. That’s alright, however, this isn’t a team qualifier, so I gotta do some winnin’.
Round 2. Jared
Guess what, it’s the same fucking type of deck, but this guy’s packin’ a bit more skill. He wins the roll, and leads with a lone Mountain. I get a decent hand, but as a red deck does what it does best, he gets multiple creatures and Rishadan Ports. I still manage to beat him with Blurred Mongoose. Didn’t see that one comin’ did ya?
2 Chill go in (I don’t remember what I sided out, so…ha)
Game 2 is a bit rougher. He gets 3 Pups out. Yep. Not having a Force Spike at the right time sucks, which happened all day by the way. I Keg a bit late at 2 life. I lose. What could I do?
Game 3 I get the double Mongoose hand, along with their pals, Force Spikes. A good game, but nothing I tell you will help your Magic skill, so I basically just beat him with time against me. Yeah, I won. Wow. Feel that adrenaline flow.
Well, that’s better. I’m 1-0-1. That’s good. However, my next opponent is not.
Round 3. Kris
Uh-oh. An alternate spelling of my name. This could get ugly, however, I can tell he is a complete idiot so I am confident nonetheless. He goes first and lays a Forest. I’m not too afraid of Green at all, so its all good. I lead unfortunately with a Coast, signaling in his brain that I’m playing Scepter-Oath, well, that’s what he said anyways. I think he guessed wrong. After that intelligent remark, he then lays a turn 2.…..Wellwisher!?!??! Ok! If I’m playing Oath, why would you lay that? The worst part is he ends up beating me down to 9 with just it. That’s pretty terrible. That’s right. No suitable blockers, Kegs, Treacheries, or bounce. That also meant no Cunning Wish, and I successfully played 3 of the worst Fact or Fictions in history. So my hand looks great with 6 hard counters and a land. However, that whole him playing shit. Yeah, I counter everything, digging deep for anything to deal with his fucking Wellwisher. I finally get a Keg set to 1, but then on his turn, he lays 2 Priest of Titania. Alrighty then. I blow if for 2. That buys me some turns, so I engage in Conclave beat down. He then lays 2 more Priest of Titania, which I have to allow, having countered everything else. I get beat down to 5, but seeing that he has a Mountain out, I begin to wonder. I have counters again, and he beats me down to 3, and that meant I fell into his “trap” of Urza’s Rage. He extends his hand and says “Gotcha!”. I say I can do something in response:
“Oh, yeah. Like what?” -him, I guess he’d never known Blue to have retargeting spells, like Misdirection, but since I don’t have any in my board, that’d be game. I had the Morphling in hand. That game was a fluke 10-fold. That was sooo gay.
Game 2, once again, went much better for me. I get the early beats and counter every fucking Elf he cast. Morphling seals the deal. Along with the Treacheried Platinum Angel I had, which he said he sided in against me!!! Oh boy, that’s the right call! Dumb bastard. End of story. These games consumed too much time and we move on to the third game with 10 minutes left. Gay.
“So, uh, would you like to draw?” -he whispers to me
“No.” -I respond
Now why in the hell would I want to draw with that piece of shit deck? It had Biorhythm for God’s sake!
Game 3 sucked. We drew. He put up no threats while I piled up on counters. Wow.
I’m now 1-0-2. Not shabby, but I felt robbed for some reason. That fat dealer asked how I was doing. I told him my record, and he kinda sighed/laughed or something and told me it was not likely I could Top 8. What a douche-bag! And how wrong can you be? Lord, some people are fucking retarded!
I tell the gang what I’ve done. They don’t seem too surprised. That’s alright. I should be 3-0, but that’s alright. Hmm, wonder if I’m gonna play against Tinker? Naw. Just another Red deck.
Round 4. Noah
Apparently, Adam had already played this guy. At first, I thought he’d be pretty cool. Well, here’s how it started.
“Oh, God. It’s the Blurred Mongoose guy.” -him, aware of my deck in full it seemed
“Yeah, so you’re a fan huh?” -I jokingly asked, referring to me of course
“Fffffph” -I guess that is close to what sound he made
Anywho, this guy became a real douche-bag, what’s worse is that he was playing Goblins, and that isn’t super for me. He got a typical Goblin hand, and after some fierce attacks, I stabilize with a blocking Blurred Mongoose, and it was the only card that could have dealt with his Warchief properly. However, he’s one of those guys that top decks 4 times in a row, not drawing dead cards, and gets off a good Recruiter with me having no counters ready. That’s gay. I draw Morphling, but I have only 5 lands in play. I have to play it, so he gets out a fresh ‘Chief and passes. I’m at 8 so its kinda heart-pounding. He has taken some pain from Vampiric Tutor and Sulfurous Springs, and was at 14. I get him down to 7 with Morphling and a Conlave, but for some reason, I can’t deal with 6 hasted Goblins, 3 with pro-Blue. Yeah, he top decked. I lose.
I guess I did lose 1 game with Morphling in play. Oh well. Shit happens when your deck shits on you. Shit.
Game 2 is muuuch better, since I lead against Goblin-fucker. I usually don’t bash on that deck, but this guy was kind of a dickless prick. Chill 2nd turn owns him, and I avenge my last death with who other than 2 Blurred Mongoose. Hahaha. Ass.
Game 3 is even better as he mulligans twice. I keep a great hand, and he goes crazy with painlands and Tutors. His hand size is so low I don’t think he can even race my Faeries. He gets down to 9, and end of turn Vampiric Tutors for…..a Pyrostatic Pillar? Yeah. He played it, and being at 18, I realize I should let it through. He takes 6 from it, and I only end up taking 4. Ha. Ass. Nice play. Well, wait, what really did the most damage those games fella? That’s right, my pal, Blurred Mongoose.
That is such a relief, beating the asshole, and becoming 2-0-2. Not bad for a gay deck with minuscule testing. What’s funnier is the next round.
But before all that, Adam and I venture to a conveniently placed Jack-in-the-Box, where I indulge in some variety. I had an egg roll, a bacon-cheeseburger, and a fuckin’ taco. This place ruled! I wash it down with Pepsi, and unfortunately, I have to eat extremely fast because the next round would start. It was hotter than hell. Everything was brought up freshly, and was fried to hell. Yummay! With burnt fingers and tongue, we head back to the qualifier, nearly facing death while crossing the street! (not really, but it sounded exciting)
Now, onto the 5th round, where I was seated across from a silent, tall, sleazy Russian guy.
Round 5. Valentin
If he took better care of himself, he’d be fun to play against. But, his silence is kinda creepin’ me out, so this could get ugly. Oh, he’s also wearing a Pro Tour shirt! What’s worse is that when he was shuffling, I saw a Corpse Dance. Well fuck me! I don’t think this is a good match-up either. How wrong was I? He leads with an Underground River. That’s ok I guess. The game is a bit slow at first, until he resolves Hermit Druid. Then all the action starts. Then he Mox Diamonds and Duresses me, seeing a Capsize, Treachery, a Fact of Fiction and some irrelevant cards. Of course my Capsize would ruin him, so he takes it. I get some land and pass. On his turn, he Druids his deck away, and then Reclamations a Corpse Dance and a Duress, and then passes. I Fof at the end of his turn, revealing 4 gay cards and a Mana Leak. He splits it 4-1. I take the Leak of course. Mind you, I’ve had no other counters this game. I drop another land and pass. I guess he drew the Corpse Dance first, looked at his mana, and then I guess he figured out I’d counter it (duh!) and that’d be game. I guess he only ran 1 Krosan Reclamation as well. So, good game. At first, he mumbled something like:
“Cannotdoit, you’vemanaleak.” -ok?
Since he had scooped up his cards, I guess that meant I won. That’s cool, and I didn’t even have to counter anything. I only played one spell!
I side in my lone Krosan Reclamation, hehehe.
Game 2 is, once again, even better. He goes first with a whopping first turn Buried Alive for 2 Krosan Cloudscrapers and a Sutured Ghoul. That kinda looks scary, as I’m still low on counters. I have the Reclamation of my own in hand, with a ready Force Spike. His turn he Mystical Tutors for the Dance. That’s cool. Buys me another turn, which, uh, is very good for me. He tries to Corpse Dance on his next turn, only feeling gay when I Reclamation his Cloudscrapers back in his deck. His Ghoul dies to having no graveyard food. Next turn I play my fresh Powder Keg and blow it for 0, taking out his Chrome Mox and Mox Diamond. Niiiice. I have Dust Bowl as well. I then proceed to kick in his groin with my buddy, Blurred Mongoose…..and Morphling. I, uh, also played Treachery on his Hermit Druid if you needed more giggles.
Well, I swept the ruskie prick (I’m kidding, he was actually very pleasant about HAVING HIS ASS BEATEN RAW). That leaves me at a nifty 3-0-2. I’m semi-proud of myself and realize I do still have an excellent chance of Top 8’ing, despite what fat dealer bitch had to say. That felt good.
But, all is not well because I had to play the mysterious Asian 6th round. I never even saw the guy before then, and with 69 players, that’s kinda tough.
Scott unleashed his tweaked White Weenie control thingy on me.
Round 6. Scott
This game was goin’ so amazingly great for me. I’ve stabilized with a Treachery on a Silver Knight, and he’s devoting many resources to Eternal Dragon. He cycled something like 11 times. I beat him down to 7 after fending off several attempts to destroy me Treachery. I can’t seem to find Cunning Wish, Capsize, or Fact or Fiction. That sucks whence he starts laying the wrecking ball Eternal Dragon. Counter after counter means he was up on cards….by a lot. He eventually gets a Disenchant through. That sucks. I’m holding 3 Force Spikes now, while he gets the Dragon engine (not the card) going. He’s at 3. Conclave can seal the deal. I’m pretty much confident when I draw my Fact or Fiction (I had 14 land out) because there were so many things in my deck that could pull me out of that situation. But no. I resolve a ho-ho-horrible Fof (somehow). I end up chump blocking the Dragon with my Conclave, it was that bad. I felt robbed once again. That game took about 35 minutes, and I was down a game. That fuckin’ sucks royal ass. I really should have had that one too. It happens I know….to me. All the fuckin’ time. Growl.
Game 2, yet again, goes better for me. I get goin’ with 3 Fact or Fictions. I get what I need. I counter a lot of creatures. I play Blurred Mongoose, and I beat him down with that and Conclave ever-so-quickly. However, it comes to 5 turns, so I’d better be quick. I manage to get him on the very last turn….to DRAW. Ugh. I seriously forgot that I was down a game, and I thought I won the match. He then wrote the record on the slip, and I said “Oh yeah!”, I almost put 2-1 down. That would’ve sucked for him.
Ugh, another fucking draw. I had played out 4 matches to the last 5 turns. That takes so much out of you. That fat dealer bitch once again rears his ugly head and asked what I was playing.
“Uh, my….deck. Its weird. It has Blurred Mongoose.” -my answer
“So, you’re 3-0-3 now?”
“Yeah, sadly.”
“There ain’t no way you can make it.”
Ya know what, fag? I previously talked to the judge who told me personally that I could make it. You’re dumb. I’m never listening to random dumb bastards again! Anywho, my last round approacheth, and I am stuck with the Mexican.
Round 7. The Mexican (or “Rudy”, as some call him)
We prearranged a lil’ fix, if you will, to maximize our chances at getting anything. He’d get the win, and we’d split prize (which ironically, he still owes me for that…..bastard) since his opponent match win percentage was a tad higher.
Game 1 doesn’t go so well as I lead with a completely unnecessary double-mulligan into no land. However, throughout my extreme disadvantage and purposeful misplays, I could have won that game….seriously! I finally got lands and Treachery and a Keg even, with counters galore. So, before it got out of hand, I opt not to Treachery his Psychatog and concede right then and there. Rudy, you’re supposed to make it look like you’re winning!!! Haha, anyways:
I side in:
2 Chill (just in case he’s playing Fire/Ice, cause it’s soooo good against me)
1 Hibernation (surprise effect just in case I want my Mongoose back in my hand)
1 Rebuild (self-explanatory)
1 Teferi’s Response (duh!)
1 Krosan Reclamation (hello girlfriend!)
1 Naturalize (obviously)
2 Treachery (they’re just so fast and perfect against Psychatog)
And basically the rest of the worst cards in my sideboard. But what to side out, other than the Counterspells, Mana Leaks, and Force Spikes?
Game 2-I just don’t get it. I ONLY got 1 Chill. L
He then “rolls” me, even though that game I could have mustered quite a sizable threat. Oh well!
All is fair in love and war, and Rudy gets in Top 8 sitting at 7th. Not bad. Also accompanying his ass is Eric, sitting at 6th. Nice job you two devils.
Blah blah blah, Rudy loses to gay Mind’s Desire guy, after we played Tic-Tac-Toe in the meantime. Eric gets a bit of revenge and beats him. Eric gets 2nd and $300 , blah blah blah. You know the story, and if not, you shoulda been there. It was….not that exciting, but oh well. Money is always nice, and since Rudy got 60 bucks, that meant 30 for me. That’s cool, however, I would have liked a Top 8 pin. And also, since Eric split with Rudy, that meant more money for me. Hurrah! But, being the trusting pal that Eric is, I think what he did was give Rudy the money, meaning I still haven’t seen any of that money yet. That’s quite a bit. 75 more dollars headed my way!
Blah blah blah. We left. Headed home. I was completely drained, so I wanted sleep, but of course since Talbert didn’t want to drive right off, he offered that I drive. Thanks buddy! What was the situation exactly? My 0 hours of sleep to his few, my playing out all 7 rounds, almost all of them to the last 5 turns, AND I was the one who drove there anyways. I drive for the first 20 minutes, but before we really take off, we gotta gas up (no, I’m not referring to Talbert’s farts) , so we stop at a gas station. Inside I pick up some Yoo-hoo and down it pretty quick. In that gas station, there’s like this little side restaurant thing, and so I jumped on over to that side o’ town, with no intent of getting anything.
Some really cute blonde punkish lookin’ chick smiled at me, and of course I smiled back. I mean, who could resist a bit o’ the ole Taco charm.
“Hi” -she sweetly said
“Hey” - I…sweetly said
“Uh, we’re closed” - she informed me as I gazed at the menu
“That’s okay, I can’t read anyways” -me
“Haha. What?” -her
Anyways, the trip back was 6000 times worse than the trip there. My back aching horribly. Talbert smoking. Me freezing. His smoke. Me burning up. Me freezing again. He kept rolling down the window constantly, and that is really gay while you’re trying to sleep. I kept waking up in 5 minute intervals, yelling at him to roll up the fucking window.
“Dude, it was getting hot in here” -him
“Well, ya sure fucked that up!” -me, “hulking up”
10 minutes later I’d wake again to my face melting off.
“Do you know how to work your heater?” -me
“Yeah, why?”
“Then choose a comfortable setting and leave it the fuck there dumbass” -me, all hulked up
I guess that’s about half of it. I woke up yet again to a loud #thud#. Turns out it was a Danish thrown by Adam, pretty much covering the driver’s side windshield. That was funny. However, yet again, Talbert rolls the window down and opens up some Dad’s Rootbeer, speeding alongside Andrew’s car. It took him a while to catch up to him, I’d say 3 or 4 minutes. (window down) I’m yelling at him while he chuckles and they throw more shit at his car.
“What the FUCK?” -me=Hulk
His sad attempt to get back at them, was to throw the pop on the car. But what car did he really get? His own. And by some weird act of God, the wind took some of it and I got splashed in the face with some rootbeer. Ya know how I could tell it was rootbeer? I FUCKING TASTED IT!!!
But in the end, I’ve never found my bed so awesome. I fell straight to a deep sleep…of 8 hours. It was the best sleep of my life….well, I don’t know, that sleep in the car I got was pretty FUCKING SWEET. Lordy. Well, I don’t have too many quotes to give you guys this time. So I won’t! Unless there is a F.U.N. (part 3). Which there will be. Either soon or not at all. Oh alright. Here are a couple of quotes, and by the way, if you sat down and read through all of this, you deserve a medal, but I also deserve a medal for typing this all out in one sitting (only one potty break!!!)
“We were supposed to see Return of the King tonight.” - me
“Aw, it was amazing!” -Phil
“Don’t fucking ruin it for me, asshole!” -me
The scenario: Talby and I are with Rudy at his girlfriend’s place
“Well, why don’t we go to Wal-mart? Oh, you’re banned. We could go to the house! Oh, you’re banned. We could go to Chris’ house! Oh, you’re banned” -Rudy to Talbert, insinuating how gay it was for him to be banned from places
“Why don’t you just get banned from half of Galesburg, fag?” - Rudy again
“I am gonna turn you into a fucking scarf” -me to my retarded dog Molly
“You know who’s gayer than Ludacris?” -me to Talby
“No” -him
“Just you!” -me
“I’ve just been losing interest in Magic recently” -Paul
“That’s a sign you’ve been hangin’ around me for too long!” -me, who else?
“This is 28 pages long right now” - I just thought that [Editor’s Note: To be fair, you did use 24 point font.]
I’m all out of quotes right now. Bye bye.
“Oh, yeah, I didn’t play any fucking Tinker decks. You know, the deck I’d figured to take up 1/3 of the field? Yeah. None. Gay!” -forgot that one
One more.
“You guys have a great holiday season, ok” -aw, that’s sweet, coming from me
“Except Paul. Ahahahaha.” -he doesn’t celebrate Christmas (I think he’s a Jew)
“Nope, 29 pages now!”
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