Setting Things Straight

Here is an article for the site yo'. It's a phat new beat from upside the hood.

 

 

                                     "Setting Things Straight, Not Gay"

 

     It seems there have been some recent attacks on my home turf. No, I'm not regarding the terrorist attacks on any American by either Osama bin Laden or Saddam Hussein or any other Mexican. What I'm talking about is the intrusion on my Magic playing "soil". Thats something you don't "jig wit", if you know what I mean. As I slowly exit the game, the "indirect" insults become less and less offensive, but I have decided to bring up some things that "irk" me, if you will. #1-Direct attacks. Gee, Palinflare. That doesn't sound remotely original, probably because it has a name. Some pro must have built it. It is not original. Ok. First off. My deck. Me build with no help or suggestions of any kind. Me build right off bat. Hence, stupid name, like Shuflarechron. There are no decks on the internet (hopefully) of a similar build that I looked at or even copied.  I simply saw Mana Flare and Palinchron as a combination of often overlooked cards that can actually be fun together and may even be good together. Truthfully, I was proud of my deck for being so heinous, because it could pull off some stupid shit. It was ORIGINAL, but that wasn't why I built it. I built it out of love. The love of mana. Lots of it. Near infinite mana to fuck around with. I'll Whispers of the Muse my deck, and then kill you. Somehow. In some way. In some manner. In some form. Ah, Stroke of Genius. Or 4 Palinchrons and 4 Raven Familiars. Oooh. And I'll keep you tapped out with Turnabouts and Rishidan Port even. Hot dog!!! I also used Snap for God's sake. If those cards sound like they could go in a deck, thats because they did. My deck. Mine. Mine. Anywho. Man. The Osbournes are crazy funny. That Jack. He's a doll. #2-The Blame Game. Ahem. If I may, I'd just like to say that putting the "blame" or guilt on someone else to make you look or even feel better, is just plain low and disgustingly putrid. We learned that in Junior High. And finally, #3-Oh, I forget. I'm done. I gotta piss and I don't wanna sit down again and type. I'll just finish it up. Don't criticize my game. You don't have to type it out on anything, I'm just saying. I don't want people with a frame of mind where they don't think I'm original because there must be someone else out there with that deck too. You have to realize that we're not exactly the most competitive area in the world. We're at least 3rd. This is Casey's Party Creations. Now, does that sound like a competitive place. Fucking party creations?  Just don't anybody think you're better than me or anybody else in every way because you can win with a deck in which you have put little or no mental effort into. Physical maybe. I'll admit, it can take a lot to go buy printing paper, put it in the printer and copy and paste something and then print it. Sleeving. now thats tough. I hate that shit. So many. Why can't we just play with like 10 or 15 cards? That'd be the shit. I mean. If you could skip drawing cards maybe once in a while. Or don't play monoblue counter-frenzy. Just know once again that Magic can be intense or electrifying even, but at Casey's? Why, maybe. Wait. Casey who? At a house? Or what? WTF guys? lol. lol? I fucking hate that. It is so gay. Haha is so much better. It is. It really is. I won't even question that it is or isn't better. Wait. I lost track. Where the fuck was I? I'm gonna kill my dog. Like, I told her to go lie down and everything, and she just looked at me and shook. Then pissed all over my fucking floor. That bitch!!! Funny cause its true. She IS a bitch.. I am actually talking about my dog, and not Phil's mom like I had you thinking. Gotta go. Well, not really. Ah. I am so lonely. I am gonna go to a visitation tonight. How cheery!!! Tournament tomorrow. Or is there? I am seriously questioning whether or not there will actually be a tournament tomorrow. For real. I'm so poor. I did get that Lord of Darkness figure. Pretty fuckin sweet. I tried to tell him that his cloak doesn't make him look gay and is actually very fashionable this time of year. Then he got in my mind, and didn't find anything. I lock my secrets in my knees. What? You don't approve? Fine. Back to my lower intestines they go. Bye. I hate you all. I'm quitting. No. For real. Seriously. Magic. Quit. I. Me. Fucking headache. Aw. I pissed all over my shirt, just like Talbert did back in 3rd grade. Haha. I remember that. He pissed his shirt. Ok. Buh bye. I already forgot what my article was about, but I assume that it could go in the humor section. But nope. Bye. Now the piss all over me is cold. GRRRROOOOOSSSSS. Icky. Yucky. Yummy. Tastes like Grandpa.

 

                                                                            Sincerely,

                                                                          Chris "the taco" Shumard